Edd's MANtra: We Put the Mona Lisa to Shame

Oh yes, your eyes don't deceive you, that's me hanging out with my new best friend, Keith Sweat!

*squeals like a 11-year-old at a Jonas Bros. concert*

Oh yeah, Blog Boss Javacia was there too.

Y'all remember that fateful night when I met Keith? Well, the Kentucky Derby Festival photographers took the above pic and promised to pass it along. They lived up to their commitment - and just in time for my Kentucky departure. I can now leave in peace.

*squeals like rusty garage door*

Now before you haters start invading the comments sections with snide remarks, I'll respond to a few that I've already received:

- No, I don't look like Ray-J.

- Keith is NOT wearing skinny jeans. They just fit well.

- Keith is not "pushing up on my woman." He's just didn't want to lean on me because that would look suspect.

- When I saw Keith's vest, I did not say "What is that, velvet?"

Stop hating, start appreciating.

*squeals like a church lady who saw a mouse in her pew*

This is a public service announcement

I have news. Big news. (No, it does not involve gestation.)


Many of you may already know, but hubster and I are Bama bound and this time, not just for a brief vacation. Edd and I are leaving Louisville, Ky., at the end of the month and moving to my hometown of Birmingham, Ala.

Oddly enough, even though he's from Virginia, searching for a new gig in Birmingham was actually music guru's idea. I guess he just couldn't get enough of that Southern sweet tea.


So I'm leaving my fancy schmancy job as an arts and entertainment journalist to teach high school English.


I know what you're thinking: WTF? Is she crazy? Maybe. But let me explain a few things.

I won't be teaching at some school where students have to go through metal detectors every morning. May God bless teachers who do take on those types of jobs, but I for one am no Joe Clark. Instead I'll be teaching at a school for the best and brightest students of the state, students with great talents in fine arts and math and sciences, students who actually want to learn.

It's the school I attended during my high school years. I know I am the woman and the writer I am today largely because of that school so I'm excited to have the opportunity to give back to an institution that changed my life.

I'll be teaching American literature and, fortunately, this is a school that encourages its English teachers to go beyond vocabulary words and grammar rules and show students just how empowering a command of the English language can be and how inspiring literature has been for centuries.

Don't worry. My days as a writer are far from over. I will continue to freelance and I hope this change will allow me to make GeorgiaMae.com even better.

I even see GeorgiaMae happy hours and other events on the horizon. So Birmingham readers, get ready to party.

Edd's MANtra: Don't Mess With Success

image via

Guess what? Another post about Michael Jackson.

If you don't like it, too bad. I'd like to see YOU sell a gajillion albums dressed as a werewolf.

And speaking of sales, a lot of people have been hitting up Best Buy for their MJ fix. According to Billboard, Mike has sold more than 500,000 albums since his death last Thursday - pretty amazing when you realize that most of those songs are nearly 30 years old.

Since the record label leeches realize their latest minstrel acts aren't racking in enough dough ("You're a Jerk" dudes, I'm looking at you), you can rest assured that we'll see a LOT more material from MJ really soon. From Billboard.com:

Michael Jackson left behind so much unreleased music that he could have several new albums released in the coming years. The material ranges from unused tracks from the studio sessions of his classic albums to recent tracks that he recorded with Akon and will.i.am.

According to former Sony CEO Tommy Mottola, the releases could go on for years. Mottola even said that Jackson recorded, but didn't include, several tracks on his classic Off the Wall and Thriller albums which Sony can now release.

"There are dozens and dozens of songs that did not end up on his albums. People will be hearing a lot of that unreleased material for the first time ever. There's just some genius and brilliance in there."

Now before you get excited about hearing Thriller 2009, consider this - there's probably a reason why we haven't heard these mysterious songs yet. We all know Michael was hurtin' for cash (he was $400 million in debt, last I heard) so you'd think that if he had some real heat he would have released it already.

Unless this new stuff sucks.

Michael is a notorious perfectionist and you can't blame him for not wanting to tarnish his legacy with a bunch of junk. And I shudder to think what record labels will do with these tracks without his guidance.

Y'all like 2pac, right? Most of you know my feelings about him *cough*overratedposer*cough* but even I'll admit that the man had classic material before his label started releasing posthumous albums every four months. That's when we started getting ridiculous collaborations like that song from 2003 featuring Jazze Pha, T.I. and Johnta Austin.

Can you imagine telling your great-grandchildren about how awesome Michael Jackson was and the kid replies, "oh, you mean that guy on the T-Pain song?"

And I'm willing to bet, with my luck, T-Pain will still be around 60 years from now.

Anyway, although I'd love to hear new stuff from Michael, I just hope it lives up to his phenomenal legacy. No one better e-mail me about some song called "Wanna Be Startin' Something Part II" featuring Gucci Mane, Lady Gaga, Birdman and OJ Da Juiceman.

Is Palin punking out?

Sorry we're late on this. I spent the past three days pretty isolated from the rest of the world and while I was living in my cave Sarah Palin resigned from her post as governor of Alaska.

Palin said she's leaving office with 18 months left in her term in part to protect her family, which has faced withering criticism and occasional mockery, and to escape ethics probes that have drained her family's finances and hampered her ability to govern.

She said after deciding not to run for reelection as governor, she realized she didn't want to be a lame duck and claims that leaving office is in the best interest of the state and will allow her to more effectively advocate for issues of importance to her, including energy independence and national security.

Palin has widely been seen as a leading 2012 presidential contender, but her spokeswoman Meg Stapleton rejected the notion that the governor was better positioning herself for a national bid.

Below is a video of Palin's announcement. What do you think of her decision to step down as governor? Is Palin punking out or doing what's best for her family and her state?

TMI?

Those of you who follow my work for Velocity Weekly know that I have no qualms about sharing personal stories with my readers. I've written about my boobs and my big hair, my faith and my feminism, the ups and downs of married life and even my struggles with lupus.


I write these essays with the hope that a woman (or man) will read my words, relate to what I'm going through and feel a little encouraged, even empowered. But yesterday I started to wonder if I'm just playing into what writer Hadley Freeman calls a "very wrong genre of journalism very wrong genre of journalism that is becoming all too popular: female confessional journalism."


In an article in The Guardian yesterday, Freeman writes:


Here's how it goes: a female journalist describes her obsession with her weight/breasts/ageing face/food or alcohol problems/inability to have a happy relationship. The article is illustrated by the journalist looking as miserable as possible. There are tales of daily woe. It concludes with the writer still sufficiently unhappy to be commissionable for another very similar piece.


Freeman goes on to say that this type of writing is hurtful, not helpful, to readers and that it sets back feminism because it perpetuates editors' misogynistic image of women being self-hating and self-obsessed.


Sadly, I have seen this type of self-hate in essays by some of otherwise very talented female writers and after reading Freeman's piece I was left thinking, "Has my writing actually been discouraging women this whole time?"


Deep down inside I feel the answer is no, though I could be kidding myself.


In my personal writing I've always made a point to never end on a note of self-loathing, and to instead share a tale of a journey toward self-acceptance. I also strive to make each personal column timely, if possible, and about something to which others can relate so that in the end it's not all about me. And whether it's oversharing or not, through the years I've received very positive responses from readers.



But what do you think? Are journalists who share personal stories stepping into TMI territory?

Behind the Burka

What do you think of this image?

French President Nicolas Sarkozy has urged parliament to move toward banning the wearing of burkas in France. This follows a 2004 French ban on the wearing of Islamic headscarves in state-funded schools. In his speech, Sarkozy said, "We cannot accept to have in our country women who are prisoners behind netting, cut off from all social life, deprived of identity." He went on to say that 'the burka is not a sign of religion, it is a sign of subservience.'


Frankly, I'm not sure how I feel about this decision. I can't imagine living my life behind a burka and no woman should be forced to do so. But I also think that many people deem Islamic dress oppressive or degrading without a true understanding of it.


Do any of the women who wear burkas really want to do so? Maybe. Maybe not. But I think that if a woman does desire to wear a burka, she should have that right, just as she should have the right and the freedom not to wear it.



What do you think?

Edd's MANtra: Putting the Brakes on Brown

Here's an addendum to my post on Sunday's notorious BET Awards.

When it was announced that the show would be revamped into a Michael Jackson tribute show, a friend of mine wrote on Facebook that BET should reach out to Ne-Yo and Chris Brown for a performance.

My response?

Man, I better not see Chris Brown prancing around in highwaters. Ne-Yo, OK, but not Breezy.

I figured it was way too soon for Chris Brown to be spinning around on stage. I mean, he was just in court for the Rihanna massacre days earlier. I thought that if he did show his face he'd be booed into oblivion.

And since he didn't make the show, I applauded BET for showing good sense, for once.

Oh, but silly me. BET and "good sense" is an oxymoron. Apparently BET DID attempt to get Chris Brown. According to The Source:

Chris Brown was scheduled to perform at Sunday's BET Awards and had rehearsed for three days to perform, but was pulled the morning of the show after Jay-Z told event organizers that he wouldn't perform if Brown was there. Jay-Z is, of course, very close to Rihanna who Brown abused earlier this year.

Of course, the hip hop community is now painting Jay as the bad guy. Rhodes scholar Juelz Santana called it a "sucker move" and said Jay's "swagger was on zero," whatever that means.

I'm not saying that Chris Easy-Breezy-Cover Girl should never be forgiven. But having him perform a high profile tribute after such a lengthy absence seems like a reward to me. I mean, I highly doubt I'd get to perform at the Keith Sweat memorial tribute show (perish the thought!) if I had been sentenced to probation after maliciously beating up my woman.

Actually if I maliciously beat up my woman I wouldn't have gotten probation, I would have been put under the jail. But then again, I don't have a Doublemint commercial so I'm not special.

Anyway, what do y'all think? Do you think Chris Brown should have performed or are Jay and I are just a couple of haters?

Well, we all know I'm a hater.

Edd's MANtra: Why, Louisiana, why?

image via

I can't wait for the day when I become so famous that someone writes a song about me. But when that day comes, please get someone other than Hurricane Chris to perform it.

I'm sure you've heard the "Halle Berry" song by now. If not, here's your chance.

One of our readers sent me a video last week of Mr. "A Bay Bay" performing the song at the Louisiana legislature. Why? Sigh, who knows. In the video, Chris more or less explains that the song is to let girls know that even if they're unattractive they can still pretend to look like Halle Berry. What a self-esteem booster.

What are y'all doing down in Louisiana? Don't y'all have legislation to pass?

Black lawmakers, I need y'all to get it together. Yeah, Obama has cookouts on the White House lawn, but he doesn't have Gucci Mane and OJ Da Juiceman running around the statehouse in wife beaters and house shoes.

Well, at least Hurricane Chris put on a suit and took those barrettes out of his hair for this occasion. Aww, he looks like he's going to the prom.

Best line of the video: some guy says over the loudspeaker: "I don't believe Chris is related to the tsunami the chairman has been talking about."

Har har. The hilarity. My sides, they are a splittin'.

Check out the video here, if you dare.

20 Questions: The 2009 BET Awards

I didn't plan to watch the BET Awards. In fact, if not for that annoying ad on the right side of my Facebook page I wouldn't have known they were airing.

But in the light of Michael Jackson's untimely passing, I felt obligated to sit through 4 hours of painful performances. Thankfully, the show was pretty entertaining year, thanks to the MJ tributes and BET's inescapable ghettoness.

So, for the benefit of those who watched "True Blood" on HBO instead (which is likely all of you) here is 20 questions: the BET Awards edition.

(Yeah, yeah I stole this from the wifey's VMA post she published last year on her Velocity blog. But we're married so she can't sue.)

1. The Baby Boy reunion was cool, but where was Snoop? He was obviously there, he pointlessly slid on stage during Jamie Foxx's performance. It was like he got lost looking for the bathroom.

2. Hate if you want, Beyonce's Ave Maria performance was amazing, but why was she was dressed like a cupcake?

3. Keith Sweat! Why did I get roughly 64 text messages AT ONCE when by boy hit the stage?

4. And when will he get a Lifetime Achievement Award? Don't let me have to send an e-mail to BET.

5. Although Keith killed his performance, his old school brethren were rough. Bobby sounded OK but New Edition...ugh. Why did Aaron Hall sound like he just gargled with razor blades?

6. Why was Kanye West at the awards with his bald girlfriend? I thought she dumbed him for Cassidy. That's what the Internet told me, and the Internet is never wrong.

7. How long will it take for Drake to get tired of Lil Wayne and friends? He looks so out of place among that goon squad.

8. Why did poor Keyshia Cole let Monica totally outshine her during their duet? Monica sounds ready for a comeback.

9. Why did Jeremy Piven think he could take a shot at Justin Timberlake, saying that "if not for Michael, Justin would be selling curly fries?" Stop hating. He was rightfully booed for that.

10. Who else really wants to see that Wanda and Sheneneh movie Skank Robbers? Somebody make that happen!

11. Doesn't BET CEO Debra Lee look like a really mean middle school principal? I bet she was dying to tell Soulja Boy to pull his pants up.

12. And speaking of that thing, Soulja Boy apparently had a question of his own during his performance: "I got a question, why dey hate on me?" I can answer that one - because you're an embarrassment. This dude even TALKS off beat.

13. Why haven't black people united to beat up or lock up T-Pain? His very presence pisses me off. He looks like one of those caricatures of black folks on racist products.

See?

14. Why can't all artists be as well-spoken as Alicia Keys?

15. And didn't Paula Patton look like Alicia's momma?

16. How come Wyclef can get celebrities like Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie to do work in Haiti but he can't pull Lauryn Hill out of her cardboard box long enough for a Fugees reunion?

17. When Debra Lee said that Michael Jackson was "often imitated but never duplicated," why didn't the camera zoom in on Ne-Yo's big bald head? It must have been Ne-Yo's dream night, he actually had an excuse to bite MJ's style for once.

18. Don Cornelius - why, why why?! I think he's still wandering around on stage. When that fool introduced one of his "favorite young singers" and they wheeled out Tevin Campbell I laughed myself into a coma.

19. During the performance of the O'Jays (who were drunk as skunks, by the way), why did the camera pan on Joe Jackson and Al Sharpton during "For the Love of Money?" Hmmm.

20. Who was the poor soul that had to clean up all those feathers after Maxwell's performance?

Bonus!

21. Didn't your heart break when Janet Jackson addressed the audience? Poor Michael, he will be missed.

What did you like, or hate, about the show?

We love you, MJ

1958 - 2009

My mom still tells stories of me dancing around the house singing hits like "Billie Jean" when I was toddler and could barely enunciate the lyrics. Nowadays I find myself, nearly every time I'm at the gym, doing triceps dips to "Remember the Time." And no road trip is complete without "Human Nature," "PYT" and "Rock With You."

Over the past decade or more, Jackson wasn't exactly our golden boy, but like that crazy uncle that embarrasses us all at the family reunion, we loved him anyway. And we always will.

What's your favorite Michael Jackson song?

Do you remember when you first fell in love with his music?

See CNN.com for details on Jackson's death.